Feeling: nice
Listening to: Ah Nee Mah - Tower of Stone
Reading/Watching: ER, on videotape. No time for TV lately.

Why am I compelled to be The Nice Girl?

I don't get it. Other people could already be offering to take care of something, and I have to pipe in, "Are you sure? 'Cause I can do it."

"Really?"

Well, actually, no, there are five other things I should be doing and I will probably have to re-schedule something or wake up at the crack of dawn in order to squeeze it in, but dammit I just said it was okay, didn't I. I suck. "Of course, I don't mind." I really, really suck.

"Well that'd be great. Thanks."

"You're welcome." And now I get to rack up more random miles on my car. I'm going to need another tank of gas.

It is stupid. I can't seem to stop myself. Something in me needs to be helpful. Even when it's damned inconvenient, I have to do it. Even if I'd like to be doing something else, even if I'm exhausted and broke and my car needs an oil change and every reason in the world exists for me to just shut up and let someone else shoulder the Mantle of Niceness, I am still compelled.

I think this is part of the reason why I'm constantly running all over the city. Someone somewhere always needs something, and they've learned I'm a soft touch, and will go not just out of my way, but out of the county to be accommodating.

Sigh. One of these days I'll stop being so fixated on trying to make everyone like me. Cerebrally, I know that doing favors and being The Nice Girl is still not going to make everyone like me (some people will dislike me simply because I'm usurping their opportunity to be The Nice Girl), but I can't stop. And, considering how I've been sleeping (erratically) and eating (anorexically) lately in order to fit in everyone else's requests, it is not quite healthy.

At least the Wedding Weekend is over, and the in-laws are on airplanes en route to their home states, so I have less ride-giving, entertainment-offering, and errand-running to do. Whew.

But hey, my future parents like me. Because I'm nice.

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