Feeling:
Listening to:
Reading/Watching:

This morning I came back to school and my voice teacher heard my voice (somewhere between a chicken and a toad, especially in the mornings) and immediately put me on vocal rest. Meaning no singing, no talking, except when it's absolutely necessary, using a volume we called our "twelve-inch-voice" in elementary school.

I. Can. Not. Take. It. Anymore. I need to talk!! So here we go. The babble shall begin.

I've decided that talking and singing and basically making noise is like nature's Prozac for me. When I don't speak much, when I have to greet people's post-Thanksgiving chatter with a smile and a wave, it's severely depressing. I have too much time to draw into myself and think, and thinking usually draws me into the "woe-is-me" state.

Lala and I have made a pact (recently I roped Melissa into it too, yay!). We must confess our feelings to our crush by Christmas. For Lala, this is much easier than it is for Mel and me, because we both have until the end of finals, and then we're back home for break. Lala probably has until Christmas Eve if she wants it, because her boy goes to her church, so even the end of school won't impede it.

Odd, that the day I'm put on vocal rest, my horoscope says, "You will be very good at expressing your feelings today. Plan for some romance in the afternoon." Ha. Funny. But then, I'm so gullible I took it as a sign that Today was the Day, and since I've already decided that the confession will go to whomever I come across first, my heart was racing like a jackrabbit every time I thought I might run into one of them.

Saw Sam mere moments after I was ordered to stop talking. That was my excuse for why I waved and smiled from a distance and walked away, even though he was sitting alone and it would have been the perfect opportunity.

Later that day, I was hanging flyers for the choir concert all over campus, and along comes Poetry Boy in all his cute shyness, walking up to me and trying to start a conversation.

Screw vocal rest- I was just plain tongue-tied. He probably thought I didn't want to talk to him, I was so quiet, smiling and murmuring brief sentences. Another opportunity down the drain.

Then I hear that practically every girl in the poetry society has had a crush on him at some point, just because he's so darling, and the best part is that he doesn't know it. So I figure my telling him will be doing him a service, whether he returns my feelings or not. (Though inevitably, every time I crush on a guy that many girls like, I'm always at the absolute bottom of his list. Highly intimidating.)

And somehow, I find the most to say about the world when I can't speak. People throw words away so easily, never thinking who's listening or not. It seems the best way to find out how much people value your opinion, how often they want to hear what you have to say, is if you don't voluntarily say it.

Sitting back quietly, listening to conversations, I was asked several times to speak my mind. I smiled and murmured a minimum of words, but inside I was glowing. It proves I don't just chatter into empty air. People actually listen sometimes. And when you give them nothing to listen to, they seek it.

This is a great comfort to a chatterbox like me.

Of course, I would be very frightened and hurt if I went through an entire day and no one noticed I wasn't talking. Does that make me egotistical?

I don't know if I say this often enough, but everyone is invited to comment (good or bad) on things I say here. I'd much rather this was like a group discussion than just me prating on and on. So use the guestbook (the button at the top that says "Say Hello") or the notes section, and put your two cents in.

Comments? 0 so far...
Not a Diaryland member? Sign the Guestbook.