Feeling: Tired- it is almost 3 a.m., you know.
Listening to: Someone Like You on the teebee
Reading/Watching: Tiger, 'cause he's not mad anymore.

I am an introvert.

Today, eating a late lunch with the other work-studies, we were discussing that Meyers-Briggs test that divides personality types into four pairs of letters. I, for example, am an INFP. Introverted iNtuitive Feeling P... uh, Person. I forget what the P stands for.

My boss was surprised that I was an introvert, because I was talkative and friendly, but that really says nothing.

An introvert is someone who often prefers spending time alone to spending time with others. Someone who prefers a few close friends to an amiable crowd.

Someone like me. Jae asked if I wanted to meet her cute waiter friend and his guy pals at a restaurant for drinks and hanging out. I have a severe "No" disability. In that I am incapable of saying it sometimes to friends.

I was happy in my pajamas playing on the computer, but suddenly I'm getting dressed again, putting lipstick back on, driving over to pick up Jae and head off. I will know no one but Jae at this thing. This situation usually makes me really uncomfortable because I consider myself stiff and boring, and it worsens when other people notice it.

When we arrived, we waded into a gaggle of boys glued to the large screen watching basketball, and a couple guys had to jump up to give us seats, which makes me feel awkward.

I hastily excused myself for the bathroom and spent several minutes sitting on the toilet, head in hands, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

What is this panic? What is this shyness? People think I'm amusing, people think I'm interesting, otherwise I wouldn't have any friends. Why does the idea of a crowd of good-looking college boys intimidate the living crap out of me?

I steeled myself to be charming and calm if it killed me, and the boys were polite and actually worth talking to. Naturally both were more interested in talking to Jae, but it wasn't as blatant as usual, and when she walked away, we didn't fall silent. It was highly therapeutic, to realize I hold some sort of value to them, that I'm no longer the stupid fifth-grader that got chased home by punks on their bikes.

It soon melted down to four people: Jae and myself, Waiter Boy and his younger, slightly mookish friend.

Of course, since the purpose of the meeting was chatting and drinks, the other three were rather tipsy after the first hour or so, and since I'd never had a drink in proper public before (except the bachelorette party, which does not count), I avoided it for a good long while, even though I finished off Jae's drink when she couldn't.

Finally they talked me into a daiquiri. And the mook friend was getting annoying-drunk. Not funny anymore, not all the way to messy and gross, but annoying. So I bowed out, and Jae stayed behind, and I drove home.

Victorious.

Because I no longer feel like such a wallflower. It appears the world is growing into me finally. Or I'm letting myself grow into the world. Yay!

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