Feeling: anticipatory
Listening to: television
Reading/Watching: Angel, s. 1

I am getting way ahead of myself already: I keep wanting to plan details for a wedding that won't happen for at least another 18 months. I think I'm spurred on by the fact that we got the ring back from the goldsmith and it fits now, so it's this sparkly reminder on my hand.

I drove up to Sistertown yesterday just to ask Bear to be my maid of honor. We held hands and did a girly squee and everything. Then we drank martinis the size of fishbowls. (I have a cool sister.)

Today I sat mon coeur down and played four different songs that I was thinking about for the official fancy First Dance: Breath of a Dream, by Kate Callahan, Harbor, by Vienna Teng, Anywhere, by Evanescence, and Calling You (the hidden track acoustic one), by Blue October.

I'm even thinking about rehearsal dinners and reception locations already (drawing a complete blank, though). It's ridiculous.

I think I'm in a hurry because I know he's leaving, and I want to decide so many of these things with him, but it's possible that I'm just continuing to be the Girl Who Plans Things. I've been that girl since I was eight years old, typing up my first short story and dreaming up a timeline for my imminent career as a novelist. I continued to be that girl when I wrote a plan for how I would live and affect the world for the next century (and I'm not exaggerating).

I was even that girl when I planned the time and place that I would meet my *him*, fall in love, and settle down. Here's a fun detail: it was scheduled in for spring of 2007.

I should know better than to try to anticipate how everything is going to go, but this time, it's something good. This time, it's something certain. I may not have been able to predict that I would fall in love with this boy, but I definitely know that I'm going to marry him. And when I do, I'll be the annoying Monica Gellar bride who knows exactly what she wants, and won't settle for anything less. I wasn't one of those girls that planned her entire wedding in fifth grade, but I seem to be making up for lost time quite well.

In the meantime, the job search is plodding along. I'm back to filling out applications, back to dressing up every day just to turn in a piece of paper, back to number-crunching to figure out how much I need to earn to pay my bills without pawning my stereo.

And I'm back to refusing to call my parents until I have a job, because they're back to asking repetitive and annoying questions (every time I speak to them) about how many interviews I have so far.

Grr. Sigh. So this is what summer looks like.

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